Life happens. Unfortunately sometimes we forget to let the ones we love know how amazing they are. The attraction and passion is so intense at the beginning. It helps you fall in love. But staying in love takes work. Once kids come, that passion is not the same. Why? Because poop, puke, crying, lack of sleep, etc. it’s not easy. But I know now it’s so important to make that time for each other. We didn’t do that, not good enough. I absolutely admit that I neglected my marriage. There really is no excuse. But there certainly are reasons. I took it for granted. He would never leave me. He has shown me time and time again how much he really loves me. We’ve been through so much but he is always there. Always. But not anymore.
We get pulled in 100 different directions on a daily basis. Cheer, volleyball, dirver’s ed, preschool, dance, WORK. We never stop. Except that we do. Every single day at the end of the day we were in the same bed. If that’s the only time you can find then make the most of it before it’s too late. Date night. I know everyone says it. I heard it a million times. Make time for your spouse. Set aside a date night. We never did it. Sure we went out from time to time but not regularly. That was going to happen when kids grow up right? Nope. Because even as ours got older we still didn’t make time for each other. Yes both of us. I take credit for my part in it but it was two sided. He wasn’t perfect either.
But every time I said no in the bedroom I wish I could take it back. Every time I was too tired. Every time I wasn’t ready to make the kids sleep in their own beds. I wish I had known what that was doing to my marriage. It’s so funny because I have been a cheater. I should have known the signs. How did I not? They were the same signs I showed. All of the sudden his phone is on silent. All of the sudden his phone isn’t just left on the kitchen counter. All of the sudden he doesn’t want to go out with me. All of the sudden something is off. But when I asked he said he was just tired and stressed about money. I believed him. I should have known.
But I am as much at fault as he is. I made a lot of mistakes. And I just thought he’d always be there. But he’s not anymore.
The way he looks at me now is more painful than the words he says. His body language relveals how much he doesn’t want to be around me. It’s crushing. This is the man I always thought would love me unconditionally. He doesn’t. I took him for granted. I neglected our marriage. And now he’s gone.
So everyone that reads this please learn from my mistakes. Put your spouse first. The kids will be ok. They really will. Because even the ones that are very secure in their marriages can lose everything.
