I want a partner. I want a man that respects me. I don’t want to be alone. But sometimes I don’t really have the choice. And right now I don’t have the choice.
I honestly don’t have time for a dating life but that doesn’t mean I don’t want someone by my side. It’s lonely. I think I fall too hard too fast. This is the first time in years that I would consider myself single. Not even a prospect out there. Wouldn’t even know where to find one! Online sucks. I don’t really know where to go to meet someone (maybe I should try the gym like my ex-husband did while we were married still...I kid)!
But right now I have goals that make it really hard to date anyway. Between working full time, my kids, my house, and going back to school I have no time for dating! I’d like to not be doing this alone but here I am....mowing the lawn.
I actually had to look up videos on YouTube to figure out how to start the lawn mower! Yep I have not mowed a lawn in a long time and when I did it was a riding lawn mower that my ex would start for me! I have on my list to figure out the weed eater. But holy crap when I turned that thing on it scared the crap out of me! That’s going to take some time! Outside chores have never really been my job. As my sister says, they’re blue jobs. The pink jobs, cleaning, cooking, kids, are all jobs I’m used to! But adding the blue jobs to the pink jobs really makes for a lot to do! Add working and school and making time for my kids and I’m freaking dead!
Anyway I hope to get a career that I can support myself with. I’ve always had the supplemental income job. It doesn’t cut it as a main income though! That’s been clear for a while! I don’t want to look for a man because I need help financially. I haven’t done that so don’t go thinking I’m a gold digger. But I won’t deny that I have thought about how much easier it would be with two incomes.
But dang it’s lonely to be alone! I want a healthy relationship where we both respect each other. I also want to matter to someone. With all the crap going on with my kids I honestly feel like I only matter to my youngest, Sophie. But she is six and she certainly doesn’t need to take on my feelings so it’s kinda hard to talk to a six year old when you’re having a bad day! It’s hard to not have someone but to also not have anyone is even harder!
I think I need a vacation...oh that’s right, I don’t have time!
