Biggest fears seem to become a reality in my life. I was always afraid of fires and that my house would burn down. Well that happened. I was always afraid my husband would cheat on me. Well that happened.
But my very biggest fear has always been losing my kids. I always worried about kidnapping or death. I was the hovering mom that didn't let her kids out of her sight. I was always catching the beginning walker before she hit the floor. I was there even when they didn't want me to be. I always feared that something would happen to my kids. Well it didn't happen the way would have I expected but my biggest fear has come to fruition. Despite all the fighting I have done and money I have spent to prevent this from happening, it has happened. My girls won't talk to me and don't even want to see me. My ex-husband is fighting to keep them from me forever. Sophie's dad has even jumped on the bandwagon and is trying to take Sophie from me. The motivation for my ex-husband is revenge and money, not concern for the kids. He has constantly forced a wedge between me and my three older girls. The amount of alienation, which I do have proof of, is overwhelming. I didn't have a chance. He can out-money me and he can out talk me. But the bottom line is, I have lost my kids for demanding respect as their mother and daring to have an opinion.
Right now a court has decided that it is healthier for my kids to be without me than with me. But after the judge says this she dares to say that she wants us to get to a better place and be a family that works together. Yep a year without my kids will definitely make that happen. Especially when their father will use that time to completely poison their minds.
Here's what really upsets me. There are kids out there that are really abused by their parents. Kids that do not have a mother that even bothers to check her kids' grades. There are mothers out there that neglect their kids. I am not that mother. CPS has investigated me as have the police and all CPS reports have been closed as "unfounded" and no charges have ever been pressed by the police against me for any reason. But the judge, because I slapped my daughter for telling me that her step-mom, who by-the-way hasn't been in their lives much longer than a year, was her mom, decides I shouldn't be able to see or talk to my kids for a year. She acknowledged the parental alienation committed by my ex-husband but said that she wouldn't consider it at this hearing because we weren't in court for that. But I disagree. The alienation is what led to everything that has happened. The constant encouragement for the kids to disrespect me. Alienation is far more damaging to the kids than a slap. Not even those actual abusive parents lose complete contact with their kids. I did everything to raise my kids and their step-mom just came in to steal my entire family. She is the epitome of evil. My kids will continue to be poisoned and unfortunately not just by their dad and step-mom but by their older sister too. I have lived and breathed for my kids for 23 years. I get no recognition for all I have done to shape them and nurture them. They would probably be fine if I were dead. None of them have told me anything different. No matter the encouragement I have always given them they can't even give me that.
The worst part is that this is all about money for their dad. He has filed an appeal on our divorce for MONEY! He really thinks I owe him $60,000. Yes the one that took everything from me wants even more! It's like he thinks I should pay him for cheating on me and destroying our family. But he doesn't stop at money. He knows that the one thing that will completely destroy me is losing my kids. And now he has made that a reality. He doesn't want to pay me child support and would love if I had to pay him. He wants me to pay him over $650 per month. That would leave me with about $1500 a month to live on. Anyone out there think that's possible?
I am going to be a grandma in a couple days. This is an event I have always looked forward to sharing with my kids. But that has been robbed from me as well. I will be a grandma but I won't get to actually be a grandma. I was so good to my kids. They were always loved and hugged and encouraged by me.
I watched "The Client" the other day. Good movie. But there is a scene where Susan Sarandon tells a story similar to mine, except the alcoholism. Her kids have decided they don't want to see her anymore. She said she didn't have the money to fight her ex and his high dollar attorney but she had thought all the years of her taking them to their activities and being there for them every day would count for something. And the judge took her kids away from her. I cried listening to that scene. Because the pain was so raw. Bottom line, it doesn't matter what you have done for your kids. It doesn't matter how much you have put your own future on hold to be there for them and shape them. Because the judge will do what not even CPS or the police would have done. She has cemented the alienation. She has made sure to send the message to my kids that they don't need to respect me. She has sent the message to my kids that I am exactly what their father said, abusive. She has made sure that my kids will never have a relationship with their mother. She has sent the message to my kids that their actions don't matter, just mine. She has sent the message to my kids that they can do whatever they want to me and that their father has all the power to decide my relationship with them. So thank you judge for destroying my kids. I was the one that cared about grades and monitored social media. I was the one that took them to church and gave them morals and values while their dad was getting drunk and sitting in front of the tv. I nurtured their friendships by keeping them involved and arranging for them to play with their frineds. I was the one that wanted them to know that they are absolutely beautiful and that they didn't need to wear fake eyelashes to prove it. You think I'm a bad parent, guess we'll find out how wonderful their father isn't. The one I raised turned out amazing. Kids need their mother. And you have taken that from them. For what? A SLAP! But mental abuse such as parental alienation is much more damaging and you are allowing that to continue.
I don't want anyone to think I blame my kids for any of this. I do feel like maybe they should have had my back a little more and defended me. But the blame for this is on their father and step-mom. They have decided they want me to do to myself what her husband did to himself. Suicide. And they have thrown everything at me that they can think of. They continually beat me down, spread rumors about me, and manipulate my kids into hating me and thinking I am "bat shit crazy". To be honest I don't think I can take anymore. But without my kids, what purpose is there to life anyway?
So congratulations to the man that always told me I was a good mom. The man that never seemed to worry about our kids for the 20 years I raised them basically by myself while he sat in front of the tv or worked until after they were in bed. Congratulations to the man that has made sure to hurt and destroy me at all costs, including hurting his own kids to do it. Congratulations to the man that I trusted being a parent with. To the man that has thrown our kids against walls (literally not figuratively), scarred one for life because he lost his temper and hit her face on the kitchen table (next time you see my third child be sure to look at her bottom lip and the scar he left), punched holes in walls numerous times in their presence, physically assaulted a pregnant woman, and can't keep his dick in his pants. You win. You have made my greatest fear come to life. And I didn't even see it coming. And to both you and your wicked bride Kathy, you may get just what you want, what you pushed Ben into, because without my kids I have nothing. If I lose my baby anyway.
