So this week has been a pretty crappy one. I have been in the hospital for 3 days but I am getting out today! Yay!
Saturday I went to Logan, Utah for a volleyball tournament for Emma. The girls played great, by the way, and Emma is looking so good out there! Anyway at the beginning of the day my legs just started hurting. A weird hurt. Something I had never experienced before. I took some ibuprofen and the pain went a away for a couple hours. Well when it came back it was a doosy! Not only did my legs hurt but my head felt like it was going to explode. And when I would walk my back hurt so bad I couldn’t breathe. Is this a migraine? Took more ibuprofen....didn’t even take the edge off.
After the tournament I drove myself home (Emma was with Jerame). When I got home I went straight to bed at around 7:30 I think. I kept getting texts from Emma about different things and I finally told her I feel awful and would have to wait to answer her anymore. I couldn’t even lift my head off the bed. The TV light was killing me so I turned it off.
My go to for help for the last 23 years has always been Jerame. When I would get food stuck in my esophagus he took me to the ER to get it removed. When I had babies, even Sophie, he was always there. So naturally I texted him telling him I think something is wrong and I need to go to the ER and would he take me. Yes I have friends. Yes I could have probably called them. But they weren’t who came to mind first. Out of habit? Out of hope that he still at least cared about my health? Probably both. He didn’t respond. I sent a few texts and realized he didn’t care and wouldn’t respond. So I went to sleep instead. I woke up several times in pain. Finally at 8:00 my alarm went off to get up for church. I was still in the most horrible pain I had ever been in. I knew church wasn’t happening. So I got myself up and dressed and headed into Urgent Care knowing full well it wasn’t worth asking Jerame for help. Honestly guys I don’t know who he is anymore. This is the man that would probably drop everything to help anyone else. But not me.
I got to Urgent Care and realized there were a lot of people waiting. I figured if this is just a migraine I would at least get drugs at the ER so I decided to go there. By this time I can’t twist my back at all and I physically can’t look down. If I even tried a pain would shoot from the top of my head all the way down to my toes. I got to the ER, gave them my symptoms, and got taken straight back.
The doctor came in and said I didn’t have a fever so he didn’t think it was meningitis but he wanted to draw some blood first. They gave me drugs. I was excited to have something for the pain. It lasted about . . . FIVE MINUTES. The pain was back full force! Well the blood test results came back and something was elevated in my blood (not white blood cells though) and I can’t remember what. So the doctor says that points to some sort of virus or infection so he wanted to do a spinal tap and rule out meningitis. As he did the spinal tap he said the fluid was very clear and again said that makes him think it isn’t meningitis. An hour later he came back and said well it’s meningitis so you are getting admitted right now. Seriously? What could possibly happen next right?! The last four months have been bad enough but sure... let’s add this too!
I had texted Jerame earlier while at the ER telling him they had given me drugs I couldn’t drive with and would he bring Emma to drive me home. His answer was “I guess”. I responded telling him I didn’t want to be a burden and he replied that I am a burden to him but not Emma. He said we aren’t friends and I should quit expecting him to be my friend. So that didn’t hurt at all. Anyway I texted him that I was getting admitted so I didn’t need a ride.
I sent Emma a list of the few things I needed from home. Jerame took her late that night to get them and then brought her in to give them to me. Everyone has to wear surgical masks and rubber gloves when they come in my room. Emma did and brought me the stuff I needed. Aly wouldn’t put on a mask and come in. Jerame put on a mask and stood in the corner looking at me like he hoped this killed me. They made sure to tell me that they were in a hurry and could only stay a few minutes. They stayed for maybe 3 minutes and left.
Today is Wednesday. I have had a pretty bad illness and honestly I can’t even get my kids to text me. Emma came on Monday night and stayed for about 30 minutes talking to me. Jerame’s didn’t even peek in the door and ask how I was doing. Just say in the hallway. My awesome friend Jolene came Monday night also to keep me company for a couple hours. Tuesday night Emma came for a few minutes and Jerame didn’t even come upstairs. He sat in his truck. It’s definitelt been 95% lonely in here. Yesterday my awesome parents came all the way for Fallon and sat with me for hours last night.
I would like to now tell you a story about when Jerame broke his femur. I had moved out of the house and we were going through a divorce. I was seeing someone else. I got the call from Jerame saying he was being taken to the hospital because he hurt himself riding his dirt bike. I drove up to Idaho Falls and stayed with him the whole night. Waited while he was in surgery and even slept in his hospital bed with him like he wanted. When he was released I brought him to my rental house and he stayed there for about a week while I took care of him and helped him shower. Same situation but reversed. I guess I expected a little bit of this from him this week.
Well when I go home I’m not quite done. I have a PICC line in so I can give myself the IV medication three times a day for the next three weeks. I don’t expect any help except my parents while they are here. But when they leave I guarantee I will be on my own. My kids don’t seem to care. My husband obviously doesn’t care. I have friends that I’m sure will help if needed so thank goodness for them. It hurts to have such a bad illness and basically be alone. Thank heavens for parents that care!
