Well I wanted another baby. Jerame was kind of supportive and we went to fertility doctors to have tests and check things out. Jerame was always the man that put his job first. So getting him to go get tests done was sometimes a fight. He had the easy tests. Mine were much more intrusive. We found out that he has so many swimmers he could knock up several women in one shot. Me on the other hand, not so good. My sisters have polycystic ovarian disease and had both been diagnosed by that time. Well turns out I have it too. Just not a severe as both of them. So Clomid was prescribed and I started my fertility experience. Six months of timing sex made it a lot less fun. It was a business instead of intimacy. Six months of periods and crying. Six months of devastation. The seventh month the doctors decided to try something more aggressive. We went to a class for Jerame to learn to give me injections in my butt. I hate needles so I wasn’t thrilled with this but I wanted a baby so bad. This drug was a lot more expensive than the Clomid so we knew we could only do this for one month. This time we didn’t have to time sex because we would be doing artificial insemination on a scheduled date and time. So we did the shots and when the time came I put Jerame’s specimen between my legs to keep it warm and drove to the clinic. He didn’t come with me. We like to joke that I got pregnant in a different zip code by a woman. The doctor took the specimen from me when I got there and did whatever they do with it to get it ready. I laid on one of those fun beds women get to use. Then the doctor came in and inserted the tube into my cervix and that was that. We waited. My period didn’t come but I was never really regular anyway so that wasn’t a definite answer. We decided to buy a test. I went into the bathroom while Jerame and Lacey waited outside. I couldn’t believe it . . . two lines. TWO LINES! I started screaming. Jerame and Lacey both ran to the bathroom door and were banging on it for me to let them in. Jerame thought the scream meant negative until I showed him the test
With Lacey I knew she was girl from the beginning. With this pregnancy I felt like it was boy and girl. It was confusing so I assumed I must just not be in tune this time. At 8 weeks of pregnancy because we had been doing fertility I went back into the clinic for our first ultrasound which would decide if they would release us to a regular OB. This was an internal ultrasound again since the baby would be so little still but I was ready for it this time. Two babies, two heartbeats. Twins! Jerame and I weren’t exactly sure how to react. We had just wanted one but now two? We were a little stunned at first. The doctor said she was a little worried about one of them because it was quite a bit smaller than the other. But two heartbeats so she said it was a viable twin pregnancy.
On the way home that day it sank in. Twins. Jerame and my song was One Boy, One Girl by Collin Raye. At the end of that song the couple has twins. So we started getting excited. We called both sets of parents on the ride home to tell them the news. We were scheduled to go to my regular OB at12 weeks in which we would get another ultrasound. I researched ways twins need to sleep and cribs for that purpose. We were getting so excited!
Excited to see our babies again, we went in at 12 weeks for the ultrasound. That was a long ultrasound. The tech kept saying she wanted to get both babies in the same picture but could only get one at a time. Finally after about 15 minutes of trying she went and got the doctor. The doctor came in and within a minute told us one of the twins was gone. Vanishing twin he said. As much as we weren’t expecting twins it was still pretty crappy. It was a silent walk to the car. A silent drive home. I cried. Jerame was upset. Lacey was confused. But then I was only feeling girl. It was a girl. About a week before that ultrasound I had told Jerame I wasn’t feeling the boy anymore. This confirmed it. At 20 weeks we had the ultrasound and sure enough it was Emma.
Her labor was much easier than Lacey’s and she was quite a bit smaller. Lacey had been 9 pounds 4 ounces and Emma was 7 pounds 2 ounces. Lacey’s labor lasted days. Emma’s was six hours start to finish. My water broke right as Jerame was getting g ready for work so luckily he was home. My friend Laura went along to watch Lacey at the hospital while I was in labor. We had done some research on when it’s ok to have a child in the delivery room to watch the birth of a sibling and had made preparations in case she didn’t want to stay in the room. Lacey was sitting on a couch in my birthing room. They had taken the bottom part off the bed so I could give birth and set it up against the couch Lacey was on. She was five. Jerame had told her once the baby comes out to look away because it gets really gross. So Laura stood next to Lacey while I pushed. Lacey was hiding behind the part of the bed that was leaning against the couch on the opposite side of the room. There was a nurse in there that grabbed our cameras and started taking pictures of the birth! Eeeewww! So needless to say I have some pretty disgusting pictures of Emma’s birth. She also pulled a mirror up so I could watch which was not something I had wanted and trying to push with your eyes open isn’t easy! She kept telling me to look. As Emma’s head came out Jerame told Lacey, “There’s your sister.” Lacey peeked her head up to see and yelled, “that’s my sister!” Then her head was right back down behind the bed. That was enough for her.
Emma had no medical problems in the hospital the way Lacey had. Easy from start to finish. And she’s kind of always been that way. Easy kid. She’s always been our most sensitive kid. When Aly was born two years after Emma, Emma started talking to herself. When I asked her who she was talking to she would always say, “my boy.” I asked her once where she met her boy and she said in Mommy’s tummy. She was 2. He stuck around for a while but was gone by the time she was four. I think she needed him. She didn’t get to be the baby quite as long as Lacey so I felt guilty. I tried to include her but with a new baby sometimes you don’t get everything you need. So that’s where her boy came in. Until Aly was old enough to be her friend.
Emma is struggling with this divorce. She isn’t sure how to feel or who to be mad at. Neither Jerame or I have been the best at keeping our kids out of things. The last couple weeks it has been my goal to focus on being a mom. I focus on my relationships with my kids. I can’t control what he says and does but I can control my reactions. And my kids need me to. Especially Emma. So as I have said before I have started putting my focus where it is productive. It is not productive to focus any of my energy on my husband or marriage anymore. I am focusing on my kids, my church, and my church calling. Those are things I can control and that’s where my focus is going.
