Somtines the people we love the most are the ones we show the least appreciation for. We don’t notice the amazing things they do and we certainly don’t let them know we appreciate it. I’m guilty. He’s guilty. They’re the ones we lose our temper with faster. We take for granted that they will be there and that they aren’t going anywhere. At least those are the habits we got into very early in our marriage. We were so young when we got married that we were both so selfish and immature and we got into bad habits of how we spoke to each other and how we treated each other. We really didn’t know what we were doing.
I didn’t give him as much credit as I should have for being an amazing provider for all of us. He didn’t give me the credit for what I have done to help support our family and all the time I put into our kids.
We made this huge decision in 2006 to up and move our entire life to Idhao. He was tired of the pace of California and I loved him and would go where he wanted. So Pocatello it was. He moved to Pocatello before me. I stayed back trying to sell the house and he lived in our camper at the KOA in the middle of winter. We talked every day. I hated being the only parent. Again you don’t realize what you had until it’s gone. Finally we decided that we’d find a rental house in Pocatello while still trying to sell our house in California so we could be together. Times were tough because we had rent and a house payment to make. So I got a job working night audit at Holiday Inn to help out. And this he took for granted and doesn’t give me credit for. I definitely have never been the main provider in our house but I have definitely helped when needed. Night audit was hard. I’d go to work at 10:00 pm and come home at 6:00 am and hope my little kids that weren’t in school would sleep as late as possible.
Well one time to help me out he took Emma, who was two, to work with him so I could get some sleep. That backfired. He didn’t have the luxuries he had with his job in California. His new boss was not ok with it. So he brought her back home. This started the thought that maybe working for ourselves was a much better idea because then we would have the flexibility for him to help out with the kids.
So we bought the body shop. We had no idea what we were doing. I spent hours on the phone learning the estimating system. I spent time with the accountant learning quickbooks. He spent time with paint stores trying to figure out which brand to go with. He spent time at the shop setting things up the way he wanted. I spent time setting up accounts with parts dealers. We both spent time with the SBA learning how to run a business and how to apply for loans. We were both into it 100% and we did it together. Something I don’t get credit for. It was his trade that we sold that’s the truth. But he couldn’t have done the computer stuff without me. I don’t want to discredit how hard he worked because he worked his butt off. But so did I.
That first year was the most stressful year of our marriage. We didn’t have an income. We lived off credit cards. We may have gotten in over our heads with this business thing. But it was our plan for our future and we were determined to make it work. But yes fights about money were definitely par for the course. He needed to spend money to make money and we just didn’t always have the money to spend. So we both realized we needed to do something because we were sinking. We both got second jobs. I did the books at the shop and worked graveyards at the hotel again. He painted at the shop and got a job stocking shelves at Lowe’s for a few hours before the shop opened. Whenever I was at the shop doing books, so were the 3-year-old and 1-year-old. It was hard. For both of us. It was hard on our marriage. It was hard on our kids. We were exhausted but still determined. I don’t know that either of us gave the credit to the other for how hard we were both working. And I think he always thought and still thinks his contribution was way more than mine. But when I wasn’t working I was raising our kids. And I think that goes unnoticed in many marriages. We did it 100% together. There was overlap in our second jobs where the kids were home sleeping alone until I got home after I got off at 6:00 am. Lacey was 9 and it always worried us but they were all still asleep when I got home and nothing ever happened. It was hard for everyone. I did the books for 4 years at the shop and recently in argument he has said that I don’t deserve any of the shop because I only did the books for 1 year. Lack of appreciation. Lack of noticing what I contributed. It hurt that he honestly can’t see how much I have contributed.
So yes we did this together. It was so hard. And yes I do believe I deserve credit for my contributions to our life. Again I am not trying to downplay his contributions because they have been huge. He has always been an amazing provider. I cannot and will not say otherwise. But I helped. I supported. I raised our kids. I put my dreams on hold to help him get to where he is today. What are my dreams? I would love to be a lawyer. I settled for paralegal which is definitely a few dozen pay grades below lawyer. I don’t get credit for that. It seems that he feels like anything I get in the divorce is what he is being nice enough to let me have. It’s all mine too. I deserve everything I get. I earned it. I earned it. I worked just as hard as he did. We did this together.
WE DID THIS TOGETHER!
