We were very young when we got married so of course we were pretty young when we started our family. Honestly we probably should have waited and enjoyed each other. Made our love grow. But all I had ever wanted was to be a mom. I don't know that we loved each other when we first got married but I do believe we fell in love. He says differently right now. He says he doesn't think he was ever in love with me...he was just young and dumb and I was hot. But I don't believe that. We have too much history for that to be true.
We tried for over two years to get pregnant. Crying every month when my period came or when a test came out negative. It was hard. And I was pretty immature and wasn't able to see the bigger picture.
At the end of February 1998 Jerame and I went snowboarding at Boreal in the Sierra Nevada mountains. I had never been before so Jerame was teaching me what he knew. I caught on fairly well but I did have the occasional crash. Well I was about done for the day but Jerame convinced me to take one more run. About halfway down I caught the front edge of the snowboard and laded flat on my stomach and face. I couldn't breathe. Jerame sat by me and told me to relax until I could breathe again. I was done. I went and sat in the lodge while Jerame did a few more runs.
The very next month I got pregnant. We joke to this day that when I fell I must have knocked and egg loose. So our family began. I was 20 when I got pregnant, 21 when I had her. Jerame was 21 when I got pregnant and 22 when I had her.
At this point they did have ultrasounds and my first one was not quite what I expected. We went into the doctor for our first visit and they wanted to do an ultrasound. I've seen them on t.v. They put stuff on your belly and rub the camera around to see the baby. Well not so early on and this was early on. We watched as the ultrasound tech put what looked like a condom on a longer than I expected instrument. Weird but whatever. Then all of the sudden that thing was shoved up where the baby comes out. Not what I was expecting. But we saw her. I had a feeling that it was a girl but Jerame wanted a boy so bad. At this early stage however we couldn't tell the sex of the baby. We had to wait until around 20 weeks for that.
Honestly I don't remember the ultrasound telling us that Lacey was a girl but we did find out...and the ultrasound was on top of my belly this time!
So we prepared. We decorated a nursery for her (although I admit now that it was way ugly! I had such terrible taste) with Disney babies on the wall. My grandma bought me a crib. I'm sure my mom bought everything else. Lacey wasn't her first grandchild but I was her first daughter to carry a child to full term. We picked the hospital we wanted to have her at and we of course thought we were ready for parenthood. Nobody ever really knows what ready is until it happens.
We were renting a house in Lincoln, California and the hospital was a good 30 minute or more drive from our house. Which in my case doesn't actually matter because my babies don't want to hurry out. I started having contractions on December 21, 1998 which was a day after Lacey's actual due date. Strong contractions. So we waited until they were five minutes apart like we had seen on t.v. and like the doctor had told us and we drove to the hospital. We're excited. This is going to happen! They checked my cervix and I was dilated to a ..... one. Yes you're having hard contractions they said but I wasn't dilated far enough to stay. They let me walk around hoping that would start my dilation.
All of the sudden I thought my water broke so I was happy that would mean I got to stay and have this baby! Well they checked me again and I hadn't dilated anymore and my breaking water was just my bladder letting loose. Yep I peed my pants. So they sent me home. I didn't know this at the time but this is how another one of my labors would go too.
I went home still having string contractions. the next day we went back to the hospital, again I wasn't dilated enough to stay and have the baby so they sent me home again. At this point, being my first child, I had no idea when to go in again because I didn't want to be sent back home again and obviously I wasn't dilating fast. Finally on December 23 we decided to go in again. The woman that had sent me home the day before had said she felt bad sending me home because the monitor showed that my contractions were very intense. She checked my cervix again and . . . I was finally a 4 and could be admitted.
That was the longest night of our marriage to that point. Jerame's mom was there and while my mom made her three hour drive to be there. Jerame and his mom were playing checkers (my sister had made him a daddy kit for the hospital. I started having a contraction and told Jerame I needed his hand. He looked at the checker board and looked at me . . . it was his move. He said, "just a minute" and proceeded to make his move. I told him I only have a minute and then I won't need his hand again. Yeah he was always very attentive. I actually find most of Lacey's labor amusing in some way or another. We were young. He didn't have to hold my hand every time. Or was this a sign for the future? A sign for the future attentiveness that our marriage lacked?
Well one time that the doctor came in to check me my water broke while he was checking. The nurse got me all cleaned up of course and left the room. Jerame leaned over to me and said, "that really stunk." Again this is just Jerame. I'm sure he thought he was being funny and honestly it's amusing to me now. I got him back when he had his vasectomy but that is a story for another post.
Finally, 4:48 a.m. on Christmas Eve Lacey made her initial debut in this world. Unlike the labor, I only pushed for 10 minutes. She was 9 pounds and 4 ounces. I'm sure I didn't know until the nurse told me that that is a pretty big baby. Especially for my tiny 105 pound (when I got pregnant) body. She was perfect. Still is perfect just more opinionated now. Well the excitement only lasted a few minutes and I was told she wasn't getting enough oxygen and that they had to take her to the nursery. I was exhausted after 3 days of labor and they assured me that it wasn't serious. I told them I wanted to breast feed and to let me know when I needed to and to not bottle feed her. Well I woke up a couple hours later and asked if she needed fed. They told me not to worry about it and that they had given her a bottle. I was 21 years old. This was my first baby. I didn't know what I was allowed and not allowed to do. Finally they brought her to me in my recovery room. I had never breast fed before. I couldn't figure out how to get her to latch on. Plus she had a bottle first so would she even take me after that? A nurse came in and helped me get her latched. An hour later she was hungry again and again I was having trouble latching her. A different nurse came in and Lacey was screaming. She at first tried to help me get her to latch but then she noticed her lips were turning blue. She took her back to the nursery.
Long story short, we found out that Lacey's right nostril was blocked by bone and she was having trouble getting enough oxygen. She ended up staying in the hospital for 6 days. I was released so Jerame and I got a hotel close to the hospital. I pumped when I wasn't at the hospital and they fed her what I pumped. Finally the day before she was released they had Jerame and I stay at the hospital with her. We had seen baby's in the hospital for days without anyone visiting. We were young and we looked younger than we were. The doctors and nurses would talk to us like we were stupid. When Jerame's grandparents came to meet Lacey the doctor talked to them and not us. We were there every day. Both of us. But they wanted to see how we could handle her without their help so we stayed in a hospital room with her. It was decided she would need surgery to open her nostril when she was three and she eventually started getting enough oxygen.
Finally on December 30, 1998, we were able to take Lacey home. With her clogged nostril and the fact that she had had so many bottles it became difficult to nurse her anymore. I stopped nursing her at 2 1/2 months old. The shortest I nursed any of my girls. Jerame was a huge help and a natural father from the beginning. I had some postpartum depression and he was very supportive.
Lacey has grown into an amazing woman. She is now married to an amazing man. I know they will do great things. I do feel like I have raised her to be a little too judgmental and not have enough empathy but maybe that is her age (20). Maybe that will get better. I love her to the moon and back . . . and even more than that. I hope she knows that but I think sometimes I may not show it enough. She's a lot like me with emotions.
